What Really Lies Beyond the Veil
by Sage Lightning
Summary: Harry gets fooled into thinking Voldemort is his father, the Author fights George Lucas, and the wizarding world watches a poorly made movie. Does this summary make any sense to you at all? It shouldn't! Rated T for the usual stuff I put in my stories.


Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for my authoring name.

One more thing: This fanfic is in response to voldyismyfather's Star Wars in Harry Potter challenge. (humor category)

What Really Lies Beyond the Veil

Harry Potter walked up to the clearing where Voldemort and his followers waited. After waiting for several more seconds, to take one last look at the ghostly imprints of his deceased family, Harry slid the invisibility cloak off of himself. In the process, he had also dropped the resurrection stone, causing his family to dissappear.

Voldemort and his followers' faces showed shock for the briefest of moments-………

-The Author wishes to inform his readers that the narrator has just been killed by Lord Voldemort for insinuating that he was scared. A replacement narrator should begin the story momentarily-

Voldemort and his followers were UNFAZED by the sudden appearance of brave Harry Potter.

"So Potter, you decided to show your face after all." the hypocritical half-blooded Dark Lord-………

-The Author regets to have to inform his readers that ANOTHER narrator has been killed by Lord Voldemort, this time for supposedly trying to spread lies about him. A new replacement narrator will replace the former replacement narrator shortly.-

"So Potter, you decided to show your face after all," the Dark Lord wisely proclaimed.

Potter remained silent, obviously remembering what few good times he may have had with his group of blood traitors and mudbl-

"BANG!"

"What in Merlin's disgusting name was that?!" Bellatrix screeched.

"Oh, that was just the Author shooting the narrator because of his sympathies towards Voldemort, and then taking his position over." Dumbledore, who was in a ghost-like form, explained.

Voldemort nearly turned as pale as Albus; "DUMBLEDORE!! You're supposed to be dead!"

Dumbledore chuckled mildly, "Oh, I'm just early for my next part in the story."

"……" Voldemort stood there with his mouth open, at a loss for words.

"Please do shut your mouth; it is most unbecoming and rude, Tom." Dumbledore scolded.

The Death Eaters then began to throw curses, rocks, and Professor Flitwick at Dumbledore, forcing him to leave the current scene.

"Ahh…" Voldemort said softly. "That's better. And now, Harry Potter. Before I kill you and take over the wizarding world, I have one thing to say to you: I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"……" And now Harry was at a loss for words.

"Aww…did wittle bwaby Potter loose his wittle mind?" Bellatrix taunted Harry. "HAHAHAHAHA-"

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Everyone watched, stunned by the green jet of light that came from _Harry's_ wand, and impacted Bellatrix, killing her instantly.

Harry broke into an evil smile and said, "Being a dark wizard isn't so bad after all. It sure beats the hell out of the light side. Heh, committing suicide for the greater good is such utter nonsense, right father?"

Voldemort grinned his own evil grin, "You made the right choice son. Welcome to the Family. Before we finish this war, though, I have something to show you at the Ministry."

Voldemort looked across the fire at Hagrid who had been there the whole time, restrained. "Hurts to see him on my side, doesn't it you oaf." he sneered.

Hagrid broke through his gag and roared, " HOW COULD YEH, HARRY? HOW COULD YEH BELIEVE YOU KNOW WHO? HIS MOTHER WAS A FLOBBERWORM, AND HIS FATHER SMELT OF FIREWHISKY!! I URINATE IN HIS GENERAL DIRECTION!! AND YOURS TOO, POTTER!!"

Voldemort soon had enough of those oddly familiar insults, and he cast a spell to make Hagrid's tongue explode.

"Kill him in the slowest, most painful fashion possible while my son and I are at the Ministry." Voldemort ordered his Death Eaters over Hagrid's whimpers of pain.

At the Ministry of Magic

Voldemort and Harry apparated directly to the Department of Mysteries. Harry, after throwing up several times due to Voldemort's not-so-comfortable apparition, saw that he was standing ten feet away from the Veil of Death.

"Hey, uh... father, why are we at the Veil of Death?" Harry asked.

Voldemort's face turned blank as he replied, "To show you what REALLY lies beyond the veil.

And so the two walked up to the veil, the voices once again echoing in Harry's ears.

"Harry, put your head inside the veil." Voldemort requested.

Harry looked at Voldemort with some confusion, but then shrugged his shoulders. Surely his father wouldn't want to kill him?

As Harry put his head in the veil, he missed the evil smirk that formed on Lord Voldemort's face, and his sudden departure from the room, and the self destruct siren that began to wail in the Ministry.

Suddenly, a random voice shouted "WHAT THE FU-!!", and Harry Potter died in a fifty megaton explosion that destroyed all of London.

Back at the Forbidden Forest

Voldemort re-appeared in front of his followers, who were loading Hagrid's body onto a muggle rocket. Soon after casting the crucio curse on them for their lack of wizarding tradition, he broke into laughter.

"Ha ha, I can't believe he fell for the 'I am your Father' routine! Didn't he ever watch Star Wars? What a moron!" Voldemort exclaimed, acting rather out of character.

After several questions doubting Voldemort's sanity, and several Avada Kedavra's in return, the group walked up to Hogwarts which was already in an uproar over the destruction of London.

The Great Hall, Hogwarts…

The wizards and the witches of the Light Side of the Force…err I mean magic! Please don't kill me Mr. Lucas!

"You have failed me for the last time, Sage Lightning!" George Lucas roared while activating a red double-bladed lightsaber.

I guess the story must be put on hold for a while…Narrator number 123,123,654,000 take the narration over for a while! The Author activated a purple lightsaber with the words "This party's over!" written on the hilt.

Scene change to the Emperor's Death Star throne (Eps. VI)

( Cue Vader vs. Luke theme from Episode VI)

Sage Lightning lunged at George Lucas, slashing his lightsaber at his head. George Lucas blocked the strike, and then countered with a jab at the Author's stomach. Sage Lightning twirled around George Lucas' jab, and then used the Force to throw a Gungan at its creator. He sliced the Gungan in half with no second thought.

"Well, that's two things we agree on." The Author mumbled to himself, before slashing out at George Lucas again. Their lightsabers met in a shower of sparks…which accidentally set Darth Vader on fire. Vader screamed and ran around the throne room until he fell into the main reactor shaft.

"Crap." Both combatants moaned as warning sirens went off in tandem with random explosions, cancelling the awesome theme music.

A voice called out: "One escape pod remaining. Repeat: one escape pod remaining."

"Mine!" they both simultaneously declared.

The two froze for a moment, and then they began slashing at each other again while slowly making their way to the escape pod several floors below. As they neared the pod, George Lucas sent a wave of Sith Lightning at the Author. Sage Lightning used his Lightsaber to block the malevolent energy, but the stalemate allowed George Lucas to board the escape pod.

"So long, you sucker!" George Lucas taunted as the pod's door closed.

" $% !" Sage Lightning swore as the pod took off.

In the escape pod…

George Lucas deactivated his lightsaber and allowed a content smile on his face.

"My Star Wars movies are the best…" He gloated.

Suddenly, a voice began a countdown: "ten…nine…eight…seven…"

George Lucas began to frantically search the pod, for he knew what the countdown was for…it was rather obvious.

He finally found the bomb as it said, "…one…"

And then a different voice, one George Lucas thought he had heard before, said "Live long and prosper, bitch!"

"Help me suckers!!" George Lucas screamed before Spock's bomb exploded, forever ending the rivalry between Star Wars and Star Trek (not really, they're still tied).

Back on the exploding Death Star…

" Aww man!" Sage Lightning moaned as he ran down a corridor while dodging falling debris. "My Fanfiction career is over!"

A rather large piece of debris landed on his head, briefly knocking him unconcious.

Sage Lightning's mindscape…

Sage Lightning suddenly found himself lying down on the dusty main street of Perfection, Nevada. As he was getting to his feet, he heard voices yelling at him.

"Get off the ground, get off the ground!"

" What the hell?" the Author grumbled, before hearing another, more ominous grumbling coming from the ground.

"Oh, crap!"

Sage Lightning tried to get to the roof of Chang's general store, but failed when El Blanco (the white graboid) popped out of the ground and grabbed him. And just as the Author thought he was dead, a bag of Snyders of Hanover pretzel pieces and a code red Mounain dew were thrown at him.

Sage Lightning ate the honey mustard and onion flavored pretzels and drank the soda. As soon as he finished with them, the Popeye spinach theme began playing while he suddenly gained bulging muscles on his arms and legs. The Author then prised open the graboid's jaws, jumped out and picked up the thing, and threw it all the way to Texas where its weight destroyed the Bush Oil Co. headquarters.

As he settled down, Sage Lightning found himself face to face with Burt Gummer and an AK-47.

"Hey, Burt Gummer! Can I have your autograph?" The Author asked excitedly.

"Well…" Burt said in a fake-thoughtful kind of voice, "since you killed the only thing keeping Melvin from turning Perfection into a Las Vegas suburb resort, I guess I can give you five seconds to move your sorry self out of here! Five…"

"Hey wait, that's not enough time!"

Burt rolled his eyes.

"Aren't you the Author? Just teleport out of here! Two…"

"Oh yeah, that's right! Thanks Burt, the Chuck Norris of ammo!"

The Author then teleported himself out of the fanfic and took the narrator position back.

THE END

Hogwarts Great Hall…

The Death Eaters, Voldemort, and the teachers and students of Hogwarts all sat in front of a large movie theater-style screen watching the words "THE END" scroll down.

After a few moments, Ron Weasley shouted "That's it? That movie was a complete load of rubbish! And not in a good way like the Monty Python movies!"

"I say we crucio the Author until he apologizes to us for making us watch this piece of crap!" Voldemort suggested.

The crowd all voiced their approval, and began to gather various non-magical weapons in addition to their wands.

But then the Author, Sage Lightning, master of writing complete rubbish and utter crack, snapped his fingers and vaporized the Potterverse, thus solving that little problem.

THE END FOR REAL THIS TIME

Q suddenly appeared in the void, shaking his head disapprovingly.

"My, my, my. You just can't stop your meddling, can you Sage Lightning."

The Author's voice replied, "Ah, just shut up already."

Q sent a wave of energy at the Author's computer, causing the blue screen of death to appear.

"That should shut _him_ up for a while I think." Q said as he made the Potterverse re-appear and allowed the story to end, because he said so. Because the Author hasn't found a way to beat him yet……


End file.
